The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize