i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
