If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
