Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
