He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
