Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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