Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
