U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize