I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
