mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
