watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
no you cant smoke seaweed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
