He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
