am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
