Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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