Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
