Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Blood and glitter go together right?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
