He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize