I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
