I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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