Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
