If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize