ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
