matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
