The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
