Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
