i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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