shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
