Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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