Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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