like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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