ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
