Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
