just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
