okay pat passed out under dana's car
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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