How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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