Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
