Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
did i walk over a car last night?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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