he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
