32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
