A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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