I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize