Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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