brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
