So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Boobs speak an international language.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
