the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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