you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
