i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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