He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
