You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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