He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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