I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
