Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
