I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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