hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
