You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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