I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
