Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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