girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
