I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
