Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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