i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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