i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
