peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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