It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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