I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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