So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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