need another drink. this is the easiest way
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
