Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Please don't give away my fajitas
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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