soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
