I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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