So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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