Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
