I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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