i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
