i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
