I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize