BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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