Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
