im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
