They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
