I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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