why didn't you poke me back
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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