Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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