First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
