i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
