Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
