U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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