And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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