Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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