My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
