I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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