after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The power of my boobs compel you
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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