In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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