i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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