i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
